How To Rekindle Your Romance: A Primer for Men

It’s a shame, but it seems like more and more couples are going their separate ways these days. And for the most part, I would attribute it to the modern couple's constant desire for something new. People have begun treating their love life like they do their iPod—they are constantly thinking about the next song instead of relishing in how good they have it right now. But I digress.

Before I start providing suggestions how to rebuild your romance with someone, I would like to highlight two overarching themes in my recommendations. One is openness. A good relationship cannot be built without having some openness with your partner. And, yes, that does mean being able to tell them such things as when you’re feeling bored with the relationship. If they’re caring and smart, they will take it as a sign that something should change. I am not of the mindset that you should keep anything hidden from your partner. The moment you start doing that is the moment your relationship begins to deteriorate.

The second theme underlying all my recommendations is spontaneity. In order to successfully rekindle a romance, there needs to be some element of surprise. Some people claim they don’t enjoy surprises, but I believe those to be people who have just been too often disappointed by a surprise. If you know your partner well and are able to anticipate his/her desires, a small surprise would surely be welcome.

Thus, without further ado, I present to you my three recommendations for rekindling your romance.

This is a simple thing to do and something that will show your partner how much you care about them. It doesn’t need to be overly elaborate, but it certainly can be. It could be as simple as an e-mail during the workday telling them how you’re looking forward to seeing them that evening or it could be as grand as a love letter with a breakfast in bed. This is the person you care about most in the world; take the time to let them know. Send them a reminder of how much you love and care for them. Doing so can also elicit feelings in you that may remind you of your love and inspire you to more romantic gestures.

The go-to gift on many of these occasions is flowers, but other things can work just as well. With flowers, you have the chance to surprise your partner at work and also to gain some acclaim from his/her co-workers for your gesture. If they notice it, they are more likely to converse with your partner about your relationship and thus support your romantic endeavors. However, as mentioned before, other gifts can also go a long way. Breakfast in bed is always welcome—or any meal for that matter; take the initiative to research some cool dish and make it for your partner. Another suggestion would be to make a mixtape for your partner of songs that remind you of particular memories together. Although the act could be perceived a bit immature, I maintain that nostalgia can be a very powerful element in rekindling a romance (when harnessed appropriately).

Sometimes, this is all it takes for a couple to rekindle their romance—a simple break from the daily routine. And the easiest way to go about it is to just set aside a date when you both can get all fancied up and go out to a nice restaurant. And I would encourage you to splurge a bit—get that bottle of wine, go to a slightly fancier place; don’t just visit the same restaurant you’ve been frequenting for the past ten years because it’s convenient—make a change! As my old coach would say, “Variety is the spice of life,” and that is your exact aim in arranging something like this. And if you’re not the type of couple that goes out for dinner, I would still very much encourage you to try to do something that breaks your daily routine: tackle a project at home, take a stroll in the park, go to a museum, or drive out of town for the weekend.

These have been my recommendations for rekindling a romance. I realize that they are rather simplified and generalized in this context; my main purpose in writing this is to get you thinking. Good relationships are based on the two themes I mentioned earlier: openness and spontaneity. Be able to anticipate your partner’s desires and cater to them. Remember when you’re trying to rekindle your romance that your partner is your focus; your gestures should therefore incorporate their interests and not just yours.

With that in mind, I wish you the best of luck in your romantic endeavors. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns regarding anything you read in this post. I would love to hear about developments in your love life and truly wish you and your partner all the best. This world needs more happy couples.